Chapter One
Once upon a time...
in Nazi-occupied France
1941
Go back inside and shut the door.
Julie, get me some water for my wash up...
...then get inside with your sisters.
Ready, Papa.
Thank you, my darling...
...now you go inside with your sisters.
Don't run.
Is this the property of Perrier LaPadite?
I am Perrier LaPadite.
It is a pleasure to meet you, Monsieur LaPadite...
...I am Colonel Hans Landa of the SS.
What can I do for you?
I was hoping you could invite me inside your home...
...and we may have a discussion.
Certainly. After you.
Colonel Landa, this is my family.
Colonel Hans Landa of the SS...
...Mademoiselle...
...at your service.
The rumors I have heard in the village about your family are all true.
Each one of your daughters is more lovely than the last.
Merci.
Please...
...have a seat.
Suzanne, would you be so good as to get the Colonel some wine?
But no.
Merci beaucoup, Monsieur LaPadite, but no wine.
This being a dairy farm, one would be safe in assuming you have milk?
Oui.
Then milk is what I prefer.
Very well.
Julie, would you mind closing the window?
Merci.
Monsieur, to both your family and your cows...
...I say, "Bravo."
Thank you.
Please join me at your table.
Very well.
Monsieur LaPadite...
...what we have to discuss would be better discussed in private.
You'll notice I left my men outdoors.
If it wouldn't offend them, could you ask your lovely ladies to step outside?
You are right.
Charlotte, would you take the girls outside?
The Colonel and I need to have a few words.
Monsieur LaPadite...
...I regret to inform you I've exhausted the extent of my French.
To continue to speak it so inadequately would only serve to embarrass me.
However, I've been led to believe you speak English quite well.
Yes.
Well, it just so happens, I do as well. This being your house...
...I ask your permission to switch to English...
...for the remainder of the conversation.
By all means.
Monsieur LaPadite...
...I thank you for the milk...
...and your hospitality.
I do believe our business here is done.
Ah, ladies.
I thank you for your time.
We shan't be bothering your family any longer.
So, Monsieur...
...Mademoiselle.
I bid farewell to you and say...
...adieu.
Chapter Two
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
How much more of these Jew swine must I endure?
They butcher my men like they were flies!
Do you know the latest rumor they've conjured up in their fear-induced delirium?
The one...
...that beats my boys with a bat!
The one they call "The Bear Jew"...
...is a Golem!
My Führer, this is just soldiers' gossip.
No one really believes "The Bear Jew" is a Golem.
Why not?
They seem to be able to elude capture like an apparition.
They seem to be able to appear and disappear at will.
You want to prove they're flesh and blood?
Then bring them to me!
I will hang them naked, by their heels, from the Eiffel Tower!
And then throw their bodies in the sewers...
...for the rats of Paris to feast!
Kliest!
Yes, my Führer!
I have an order I want relayed to all German soldiers stationed in France.
The Jew degenerate known as "The Bear Jew," henceforth, is never to be referred to as The Bear Jew again.
Yes, my Führer!
Do you still wish to see Private Butz?
Who and what is a Private Butz?
He's the soldier you wanted to see personally.
His squad was ambushed by Lt. Raine's Jews.
He was its only survivor.
Indeed, I do want to see him. Thank you for reminding me.
Send him in.
Sergeant Rachtmann, Ludwig and I were the only ones left alive after the ambush.
While one man guarded us, the rest removed the hair.
How did you survive this ordeal?
They let me go.
You are not to tell anybody anything. Not one word of detail!
Your outfit was ambushed, and you got away!
Not one word more!
Yes, my Führer.
Did they mark you like they did the other survivors?
Yes, my Führer.
I will hug my mother like I've never hugged her before.
Not only shall I remove it, but I intend to burn it.
Chapter Three
GERMAN NIGHT IN PARIS
1 944
JUNE
What starts tomorrow?
A Max Linder festival.
I always preferred Linder to Chaplin.
Except Linder never made a film as good as "The Kid."
The chase climax of "The Kid," superb.
I adore your cinema very much.
Merci.
Is it yours?
Do I own it?
-Oui.
Oui.
How is it a girl as young as you owns a cinema?
My aunt left it to me.
Merci for hosting a German night.
I don't have a choice...
...but you're welcome.
I love the Riefenstahl mountain films...
...especially Piz Palü.
It's nice to see a French girl who's an admirer of Riefenstahl.
"Admire" would not really be the word I would use...
...to describe my feelings towards Fräulein Riefenstahl.
But you do admire the director Pabst, don't you?
That's why you include his name on the marquee...
...when you didn't have to.
I'm French. We respect directors in our country.
Even Germans.
Even Germans, oui.
Merci for your assistance, soldier. Adieu.
You're not finished.
I'll finish in the morning.
May I ask your name?
You wish to see my papers?
Emmanuelle Mimieux.
That's a very pretty name.
Merci.
Are you finished with my papers?
Mademoiselle, may I introduce myself...
...Fredrick Zoller.
Well...
...it's been a pleasure chatting with a fellow cinema lover.
Sweet dreams, mademoiselle.
Adieu.
Hello, mademoiselle.
May I join you?
Look, Fredrick...
You remember my name?
Yes.
Look, you seem a pleasant enough fellow...
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Regardless, I want you to stop pestering me.
I apologize, mademoiselle...
...I wasn't trying to be a pest.
I was simply trying to be friendly.
I don't wish to be your friend.
Why not?
Don't act like an infant. You know why.
I'm more than just a uniform.
Not to me.
If you are so desperate for a French girlfriend...
...I suggest you try Vichy.
Who are you?
I thought I was just a uniform.
You're not just a German soldier.
Are you somebody's son?
Most German soldiers are somebody's son.
You're a very lucky girl, catching a brave war hero.
--No, no, no, no, the mademoiselle is not my girlfriend.
Can you write "Amour Babette"?
So you're a war hero.
What did you do?
I was alone in a bell tower in a walled off city.
It was myself and a thousand rounds of ammo, in a bird's nest...
...against three hundred enemy soldiers.
What's a bird's nest?
A bird's nest is what a sniper would call a bell tower.
It's a high structure, offering a three hundred and sixty degree view.
Very advantageous for marksmen.
How many did you kill?
Sixty-eight.
The first day.
A hundred and fifty...
...the second day.
Thirty-two the third day.
On the fourth day they exited the city.
Naturally, my war story received a lot of attention in Germany...
...that's why they all recognize me.
They call me the German Sergeant York.
Maybe they'll make a film about your exploits.
Well, that's just what Joseph Goebbels thought.
So he did and called it "Nation's Pride."
And they wanted me to play myself...
...so I did.
Joseph thinks this movie will be proven to be his masterpiece.
And I will be the German Van Johnson.
"Nation's Pride" is about you?
"Nation's Pride" is starring you?
I know.
Comical?
Well, good luck with your movie, Private. I hope all goes well for Joseph and yourself.
Goodbye!
Do you need help?
No, it's okay.
If you need me, I'll be in the storage room.
Okay, my love.
Mademoiselle Mimieux?
Yes?
Is this your cinema?
Yes.
Come down!
Please.
I don't understand. What have I done?
She wants to know what she's done.
Get your ass in that car.
It's only the offspring of slaves that allows America to be competitive athletically.
American Olympic gold can be measured in Negro sweat.
Good, you came.
I wasn't sure whether or not you'd accept my invitation.
Invitation?
Is that the young lady in question, Fredrick?
Yes, it is, Dr. Goebbels.
Emmanuelle, there is somebody I want you to meet.
Emmanuelle Mimieux, I'd like to introduce you to the minister of propaganda...
...the leader of the entire German film industry...
...and now that I'm an actor, my boss, Dr. Joseph Goebbels.
Your reputation precedes you, Fräulein Mimieux.
And normally, this is Herr Goebbels' French interpreter...
...Mademoiselle Francesca Mondino.
Hello.
And you've met the Major.
Actually, I didn't introduce myself. Major Dieter Hellstrom of the Gestapo.
At your service, mademoiselle.
Please allow me...
...have a seat please.
Try the champagne, mademoiselle, it's quite good.
I must say, Fräulein, I should be rather annoyed with you.
I arrive in France...
...and I wish to have lunch with my star.
Little do I know...
...he's become the toast of Paris.
And now he must find time for me.
People wait in line hours, days to see me.
For the Führer...
...and Private Zoller, I wait.
So finally, I'm granted an audience with the young Private.
And he spends the entire lunch speaking of you and your cinema.
So Fräulein Mimieux, let's get down to business.
--Herr Minister Doctor Goebbels...
I haven't informed her yet.
Unless the girl's a simpleton, I'm sure she's figured it out by now.
After all, she does operate a cinema.
Francesca, tell her.
What they are trying to tell you, Emmanuelle, is Private Zoller...
...has spent the last hour at lunch trying to convince Monsieur Goebbels...
...to abandon previous plans for Private Zoller's film premiere...
...and change the venue to your cinema.
What?
I wanted to inform her.
Shit! I apologize, Private, of course you did.
--What's the issue?
The Private wanted to inform the mademoiselle himself.
Nonsense!
Until I ask my questions, he has nothing to inform.
Let the record state, I have not agreed to switch cinemas for my premiere.
Duly noted.
You have opera boxes?
Yes.
How many?
Two.
More would be better.
How many seats in your auditorium?
Three hundred and fifty.
That's almost four hundred less than The Ritz.
--But Dr. Goebbels...
...that's not such a terrible thing.
You said yourself you didn't want to indulge every two-faced French bourgeois...
...taking up space, currying favor.
With less seats, it makes the event more exclusive.
You're not trying to fill the house, they're fighting for seats.
Besides, to hell with the French.
This is a German night, a German event, a German celebration.
This night is for you, me...
...for the German military, the high command...
...their family and friends.
The only people who should be allowed in the room...
...are people who will be moved by the exploits on the screen.
I see your public speaking has improved.
It appears I've created a monster.
A strangely persuasive monster.
When the war is over, politics await.
Well, Private...
...though it is true, I'm inclined to indulge you anything...
I must watch a film in this young lady's cinema before I can say, yes or no.
So young lady, you are to close your cinema for a private screening tonight.
What German films do you have?
Ah, Landa, you are here.
Emmanuelle, this is Colonel Hans Landa of the SS.
He'll be running the security for the premiere.
Charmed, mademoiselle.
And now I must get the Reich Minister to his next appointment.
Slave driver.
French slave driver.
Actually, in my role as security chief of this joyous German occasion, I'm afraid I must...
...have a word with Mademoiselle Mimieux.
What sort of discussion?
That sounded suspiciously like a Private questioning the order of a Colonel.
Or am I just being sensitive?
Nothing could be further from the truth, Colonel.
Your authority is beyond question.
But your reputation does precede you.
Should Mademoiselle Mimieux or myself be concerned?
Hans, the boy means no harm...
...he's simply smitten.
And he's correct. Your reputation does precede you.
No need for concern, you two. As security chief, I simply need to have a chat...
...with the possible new venue's property owner.
Have you tried the strudel here?
No, no.
It's not so terrible.
So how is it the young Private and yourself came to be acquainted?
Yes, two strudels. One for myself and one for the mademoiselle.
For me a cup of espresso and for the mademoiselle...
...a glass of milk.
So, mademoiselle, you were beginning to explain...?
Up until a couple of days ago, I had no knowledge of Private Zoller...
...or his exploits.
To me...
...the Private was simply just a patron of my cinema. We spoke a few times but--
--Mademoiselle, let me interrupt you.
This is a simple formality.
No reason for you to feel anxious.
I apologize, I forgot to order the cream.
--One moment.
Wait for the cream.
So, Emmanuelle. May I call you Emmanuelle?
Oui.
So, Emmanuelle...
...explain to me...
...how does it happen, that a young lady such as yourself, comes to own a cinema?
After you.
Verdict?
Like l said, not so terrible.
You were explaining the origin of your cinema ownership.
The cinema originally belonged to my aunt and uncle.
What are their names?
Jean-Pierre and Ada Mimieux.
Where are they now?
My uncle was killed during Blitzkrieg.
Pity.
Continue.
Aunt Ada passed away from fever last spring.
Regrettable.
It's come to my attention you have a Negro in your employ. Is that true?
Oui.
He is a Frenchman.
His name is Marcel.
He worked with my aunt and uncle since they opened the cinema.
He's the only other one who works with me.
Doing what?
Projectionist.
Is he any good?
The best.
Actually, one could see where that might be a good trade for them.
Can you operate the projectors?
Of course I can.
Knowing the Reich Minister as I do...
I'm quite positive...
...he wouldn't want the success or failure of his illustrious evening...
...dependent on the prowess of a Negro.
So...
...if it comes to pass...
...we hold this event at your venue...
...talented no doubt, as your Negro may be...
...you will...
...operate the projectors.
Is that acceptable?
Oui.
Cigarette?
They are not French.
They are German.
I did have something else I wanted to ask you.
But right now, for the life of me, I can't remember what it is.
Oh well, must not have been important.
'Til tonight.
I must say, I appreciate the modesty of this cinema.
Your cinema has real respect, almost church like.
Not to say we couldn't spruce the place up a bit.
Maybe I'll go to the Louvre, pick up a few Greek nudes, and scatter them about the lobby.
So, Emmanuelle, how did you like "Lucky Kids"?
I quite like Lilian Harvey.
Lilian Harvey!
Never mention that name again in my presence!
Hey...
...what the fuck are we supposed to do?
It looks like we're supposed to have a Nazi premiere.
Like I said, what the fuck are we supposed to do?
Well, I need to talk with you about that.
I'm confused, what are we talking about?
Filling the cinema with Nazis and burning it down to the ground.
I'm not talking about that.
You are talking about that.
No, we're talking about that, right now.
If we can keep this place from burning down by ourselves...
...we can burn it down by ourselves?
Oui Shosanna, we could do that.
And with Madame Mimieux's 350 nitrate film print collection...
...we wouldn't even need explosives...
...would we?
You mean we wouldn't need any more explosives?
I am going to burn down the cinema on Nazi night.
And if I'm going to burn down the cinema...
...which I am...
...we both know, you're not going to let me do it by myself.
Because you love me. And I love you. And you're the only person on this earth I can trust.
But that's not all we're going to do.
Does the filmmaking equipment in the attic still work?
I know the film camera does. How about the sound recorder?
Quite well, actually.
I recorded a new guitarist I met in a cafe last week. It works superb.
Why do we need filmmaking equipment?
Because Marcel, my sweet...
...we're going to make a film.
Just for the Nazis.
Chapter Four
OPERATION KINO
The village of Nadine
--So, I'm male...
...I'm a fictional, literary character from the past...
...I'm American, and that's controversial.
No, it's not controversial at all.
The nationality of the author has nothing to do with the nationality of the character.
The character is the character.
Hamlet is not British. He is Danish.
So yes, this character was born in America.
Well then.
Mathilda.
Schnapps?
Schnapps...Schnapps...Schnapps.
Five schnapps, please.
If I had a wife...
...would she be called a squaw?
Yes!
He's got it.
Three more questions!
Is my blood brother Old Shatterhand?
Yes!
Did Karl May write me?
Yes!
So who are you?!
I am "Winnetou," chief of the Apaches!
Yes!
That was good! That was good! That was good!
Now down with the glasses!
Cheers.
Attention!
Hello, my lovelies.
Take a seat.
I will join you in moments. I'm just saying goodbye to my five new friends here.
No hurry, Frau von Hammersmark. Take your time.
Enjoy yourself. We'll be just over here waiting.
Eric, my love. Those are the friends I've been waiting for.
Please treat them to anything they like.
Frau von Hammersmark. Your wish is my command.
Officers...
...it would appear the drinks are on the fräulein.
What would you like?
Whiskey.
Two whiskeys.
Three whiskeys.
Three whiskeys, very well.
I wish you a wonderful evening.
-Same to you. -I thank you.
Your card!
Yes, you're right.
Let's see.
Genghis Khan! I would never have gotten that.
But of course you would have!
Hello, darling.
How are you?
So good to see you.
I thought this place was supposed to have more French than Germans?
Yes, normally that's true.
The Sergeant over there's wife just had a baby.
And his commanding officer gave him and his mates the night off to celebrate.
We should leave.
No.
We should stay.
For one drink at least.
I've been waiting for you in a bar.
It would look strange if we left before we had a drink.
She's right. Just be calm and enjoy your whiskey.
Mathilda...
...come join us in the game. Take Frau Hammersmark's place.
She would love to play the game.
I will translate...and protect.
Don't worry, pretty little thing.
If any of these wolves gets out of line, I'll kick their ass in.
Watch.
Rip off his nose.
Stop it!
Schnapps, schnapps, take your schnapps in hand, comrades.
Before we go on playing...
...we will drink.
We drink to our friend Wilhelm.
And his little boy...
...Maximilian.
-To Max! -To Max!
There's some new development.
The cinema venue has changed.
Why?
No one knows but that should not be a real problem.
The cinema it's been changed to is considerably smaller than The Ritz.
So whatever explosives you brought for The Ritz should be doubly effective here.
Now the next piece of information...
...is colossal.
Try not to overreact.
The Führer-
...I was just thinking...
...could you sign an autograph to my son on his birthday?
Of course. I'd love to, Wilhelm.
This handsome Staff Sergeant just became a father today.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Do you know the name of this progeny yet?
I most certainly do, fräulein. His name is Maximilian.
Maximilian, wonderful name.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
Nothing but the best for little Maximilian.
Max may not know who you are now but...
...he will. I will show him all of your movies.
Good.
He will grow up with your films and...
...this napkin on his wall.
I propose a toast to the greatest actress in Germany!
There is no Dietrich! There is no Riefenstahl! Only Von Hammersmark!
-Cheers! -Cheers!
Once again-
Frau Hammersmark, what brings you to France?
None of your business!
Staff Sergeant.
You might not have worn out your welcome with the fräulein with your drunken boorish behavior...
...but you have worn out your welcome with me.
Might I remind you, Staff Sergeant, you are an enlisted man.
This is an officer's table!
I suggest you stop pestering the fräulein...
...and rejoin your table.
Excuse me, Captain, but your accent is very unusual.
Where are you from?
You must be either completely drunk or mad to dare...
...to speak to a superior officer with such impertinentness!
Staff Sergeant.
I'm making you and you responsible for him.
I suggest you take hold of your friend...
...or he'll spend Max's first birthday in jail for public drunkenness.
--Might I inquire?
Like our young newly christened father here...
...I, too, have an acute ear for accents.
And like him...
...I, too, find yours odd.
From where do you hail, Captain?
Major, this is highly-
--I wasn't speaking to you, Lieutenant Munich.
Or you either, Lieutenant Frankfurt.
I was speaking to Captain I-don't-know-what.
I was born in a village that rests in the shadow of the Piz Palü.
The mountain?
Yes.
In that village, we all speak like this.
Have you seen the Riefenstahl film?
Yes.
Then you saw me.
You remember the skiing torch scene?
Yes.
In that scene was myself, my father, my sister and my two brothers.
My brother is so handsome...
...the director Pabst, gave him a Close-Up.
Herr Major, if my word means anything...
...I can vouch for everything the young captain has just said.
He does hail from the bottom of the Piz Palü.
He was in the film and his brother is far more handsome than he.
You should rejoin your friends.
May I join you?
By all means.
Wunderbar!
So that's the source of your bizarre accent.
That's extraordinary.
What are you doing here?
Aside from having a drink with the lovely fräulein?
Well, that pleasure requires no explanation.
I mean in country.
You're obviously not stationed in France or I'd know who you are.
You know every German in France?
Worth knowing.
Well, there lies the problem.
We never claimed to be worth knowing.
All levity aside, what are you doing in France?
Attending Minister Goebbels' film premiere as the fräulein's escort.
You are the Fräulein Hammersmark's escort.
Someone has to carry her lighter.
The captain is my date, but all three are my guests.
We are old friends...
...who go back a long time.
Actually, longer than an actress would care to admit.
Well, in that case...
...let me raise my glass to the three luckiest men in the room.
I'll drink to that.
Queen Christina.
Mata Hari.
I must say...
...that game they're playing looks like a good bit of fun.
I didn't join them because you're quite right, Captain.
An officer should not fraternize with enlisted men.
But...
...seeing as we are all officers...
...and sophisticated lady friends of officers.
What say we play the game?
Yes, great, one game.
Wunderbar.
Soldiers...
...the cards.
Thank you.
So gentlemen...
...the object of the game is to...
...write the name of a famous person on your card.
Real or fictitious, doesn't matter.
For instance, you could write, Confucius or Doctor Fu Manchu.
Eric! More pens.
And they must be famous, not aunt Frida.
When you finish writing, put the card face down on the table.
And move it to the person on your right-
--Thanks.
-the person to your left moves his card to you.
You pick up the card without looking at it...
...lick the back...
...and stick it on your forehead.
Write!
Write.
I'll start, give you the idea.
Am I German?
-No. -No.
Am I American?
-No. -No.
Wait a minute, he goes to ---
Obviously, he wasn't born in America.
So...I visited America, aye?
Yes.
Was this visit fortuitous?
Not for you.
My native land, is it what one would call, exotic?
-Yes. -Yes.
That could be either a reference to the jungle or the Orient.
I'm going to let my first instinct take over and ask. Am I from the jungle?
-Yes. -Yes.
Now gentlemen, around this time you could ask whether you're real or fictitious.
I, however, think that's too easy, so I won't ask that yet.
Okay...
...my native land is the jungle...
...I visited America...
...but my visit was not fortuitous to me...
...but the implication is that it was to somebody else.
When I went...
...from the jungle to America...
...did I go by boat?
-Yes. -Yes.
Did I go against my will?
-Yes. -Yes.
On this boat ride, was I in chains?
Yes.
When I arrived in America, was I displayed in chains?
-Yes. -Yes.
Am I the story of the Negro in America?
-No.
Well then I must be King Kong.
Bravo!
Impressive.
Now, since I answered correctly, you all need to finish your drinks.
Cheers.
Now, who is next?
Well, Major...
...I don't mean to be rude. But the four of us are very good friends.
And we haven't seen each other in quite a while.
So, Major...
...I am afraid...
...you are intruding.
I beg to differ, Captain.
It's only if the fräulein considers my presence an intrusion...
...that I become an intruder.
How about it, Fräulein von Hammersmark? Am I intruding?
I didn't think so.
It's simply the captain is immune to my charms.
I am just joking.
Just joking. Of course I'm intruding.
Allow me to refill your glasses, gentlemen, and I will bid you and the fräulein adieu.
Eric has a bottle of thirty-three-year-old whiskey.
From the Scottish Highlands.
What do you say, gentlemen?
You're most gracious, Major.
Eric! The thirty-three. And new glasses!
You don't want to contaminate the thirty-three with the swill you were drinking.
How many glasses?
Five.
Not for me.
I like scotch, scotch doesn't like me.
Nor I. I'll stay with bubbly.
Three glasses.
Frau von Hammersmark.
Thank you.
A thousand year German Reich!
-A thousand year Reich! -A thousand year Reich!
I must say I grow weary of these monkeyshines.
Did you hear that?
That was the sound of my Walther.
Pointed right at your testicles.
Why do you have your Walther pointed at my testicles?
Because you've just given yourself away, Captain.
You're no more German than that scotch.
Well, Major.
Shut up slut.
You were saying?
I was saying that makes two of us.
I've had a gun pointed at your balls since you sat down.
That makes three of us.
And at this range, I'm a real Fredrick Zoller.
Looks like we have a bit of a sticky situation here.
What's going to happen, Major...
...you're going to stand up and walk out that door with us.
--No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't think so.
I'm afraid you and I...
...we both know, Captain...
...no matter what happens to anybody else in this room...
...the two of us aren't going anywhere.
Too bad about Sergeant Wilhelm and his famous friends.
If any of you expect to live, you'll have to shoot them too.
Looks like little Max will grow up an orphan.
How sad.
I've been rethinking my position...
...in regards to your Paris premiere of "Nation's Pride."
As the weeks have gone on...
...and the Americans are on the beach...
...I do find myself thinking more and more...
...about this Private Zoller.
This boy has done something tremendous for us.
And I'm beginning to think...
...my participation in this event could be meaningful.
You've moved up in the world.
Look at you, Lieutenant First Class.
And with your record of insubordination. Truly remarkable.
And that one's name is...
...Wilhelm Wicki.
He's an Austrian-born Jew, who immigrated to the United States...
...when things began turning sour for the Israelites.
They are the two German-born members of the Basterds.
They've been known to don German uniforms, to ambush squads.
What brings you all the way out here?
But that doesn't look like this.
This is odd.
It would appear somebody's missing.
Somebody fashionable.
Everybody out!
"To Max, with love."
Bridget von Hammersmark.
Chapter Five
REVENGE OF THE GIANT FACE
Night of "NATION'S PRIDE" premiere
Remember...in English.
Action.
But how do we get it developed?
Only a suicidal idiot like us would develop that footage.
And suppose someone would develop the footage...
...how do we get a 35mm print with a soundtrack?
We find somebody who can develop and process a 35mm print with a soundtrack.
And we make them do it...
...or we kill them.
Bring that fucker over here! Put his head down on that table.
You either do what the fuck we tell you...
...or I'll bury this axe in your collaborating skull.
I'm not a collaborator.
Marcel, do his wife and children know you?
Yes.
Then after we kill this dog for the Germans...
...we'll go and silence them.
Jannings, come on, show the ring.
Come on, come on. There you go!
Fredrick, have a look at it. This is the highest artistic honor that I give.
-Herr Doctor, I'm also feeling very honored. -You deserve it, my dear Jannings!
But I believe after the premiere today, we have a new candidate.
Ah, Emmanuelle...
...I'd like you to meet the greatest actor in the world...
...Emil Jannings.
Mademoiselle, I'm pleased to meet you.
You have a beautiful cinema.
Thank you, Hermann.
Fräulein von Hammersmark.
Colonel Landa, it's been years.
Dashing as ever, I see.
So what's happened to your lovely leg?
A by-product of kicking ass in the German cinema, no doubt.
Save your flattery, you old dog.
I know too many of your former conquests to fall into that honey pot.
Seriously, what happened?
Well, I tried my hand, foolishly I might add...
...at mountain climbing.
And this is the result.
Mountain climbing?
That's how you injured your leg -mountain climbing?
Believe it or not, yes it is.
Forgive me, fräulein. I don't mean to laugh at your misfortune.
It's just --- mountain climbing?
I'm curious, fräulein, what could have ever compelled you to undertake such a foolhardy endeavor?
Well, I shan't be doing it again, I can tell you that.
That cast looks as fresh as my old Uncle Gustav.
When were you climbing this mountain, last night?
Very good eye, Colonel.
It happened yesterday morning.
And where in Paris is this mountain?
No, I'm just teasing you, fräulein.
You know me, I tease rough.
So, who are your three handsome escorts?
I'm afraid neither three speak a word of German.
They're friends of mine from Italy.
This is a wonderful Italian stuntman, Enzo Gorlomi.
A very talented cameraman, Antonio Margheriti.
And Antonio's camera assistant Dominick Decocco.
Gentlemen, this is an old friend, Colonel Hans Landa of the SS.
Hello.
Gentlemen, it's a pleasure...
...the friends of our cherished star, admired by all of us, this outright jewel of our culture...
...are naturally going to be under my personal protection for the duration of their stay.
Thank you.
Am I saying it correctly?
Yes - 'er, correct.
Say it for me once please...?
I'm sorry, again...?
Once more...?
What's your name again...?
Again...?
One more time, but let me really hear the music in it!
And you...?
Well, my two cameraman friends need to find their seats.
Let me see your tickets.
I suppose you getting premiere tickets for your friends wouldn't be the most difficult thing...
...for a star of your status.
0023 and 0024.
That shouldn't be too difficult to find, goodbye.
Ooh la la, Danielle Darrieux.
I have to go down and socialize with these Hun pigs.
Let's go over it again.
Reel one is on the first projector.
Reel two...
...is on the second.
The third one is on the spool.
And the fourth one is ready to go.
Okay, the big sniper battle in the film...
...begins around the middle of the third reel.
Our film comes in on the fourth reel.
Somewhere towards the end of the third reel...
...go down and lock the doors of the auditorium.
Then take your place behind the screen and wait for my cue.
Then burn it down.
Take your seats.
The show is about to begin.
Everybody, please take your seats. The show is about to begin.
We'll see you later.
Not so fast.
A glass of champagne...
...to toast "Nation's Pride."
My fräulein, may I have a word with you in private?
Certainly.
Excuse us.
Have a seat, my fräulein.
May I?
Mademoiselle Mimieux allowed me...
...to set up camp in her office for the time being.
Let me see your foot.
I beg your pardon?
Put your foot in my lap.
Hans, you embarrass me.
Could you please reach into the right pocket of my coat...
...and give me what you find in there.
May I?
What now, Colonel?
The guy in the white smoking jacket.
Clever.
I informed the Führer that the audience has taken their seats.
He should arrive any minute.
Thank you, Hans.
Let go.
You may leave us.
But stay alert outside.
Gum?
It's time.
I should go lock the auditorium and take my place behind the screen.
I informed the Führer that the audience has taken their seats.
He should arrive any minute.
Thank you, Hans.
Herr Dr, Goebbels, excuse me. Could I go out for a moment?
Perfectly understandable, my boy. You go now, and we'll see you after the show.
Who is it?
Fredrick!
Shit.
Are you the manager of this cinema? I want my money back.
That actor in the movie stinks.
What are you doing here?
I came to visit you.
Can't you see how busy I am?
Then allow me to lend an assist.
Fredrick, it's not funny, you can't be here.
This is your premiere, you need to be out there with them.
Normally, you would be right.
And for all the other films I do...
...I intend to endure evenings like tonight, in the proper spirit.
However, the fact remains...
...this film is based on my military exploits.
And in this case, my exploits consisted of killing many men.
Consequently, the part of the film that's playing now...
...I don't like watching this part.
-I am sorry, Fredrick, but... -So, I thought...
...I'd come up here and do what I do best...
...annoy you.
And from the look on your face, it would appear I haven't lost my touch.
Are you so used to the Nazis kissing your ass...
...you've forgotten what the word "no" means?
No...you can't be here!
Now go away!
Fredrick, you hurt me.
Well, it's nice to know you can feel something.
Even if it's just physical pain.
I'm not a man you say, "go away" to.
There's over three hundred dead bodies in Italy, that if they could, would testify to that!
After what I've done for you...
...you disrespect me at your peril!
Lock the door.
What?
Lock the door.
We don't have much time.
Time for what?
Forget it!
--No, no, no...wait.
You want me to...lock the door?
For the fifty-seventh time, yes.
Extraordinary my dear, simply extraordinary!
This is your finest film yet.
Thank you, my Führer.
Thank you.
Enough! Stop it!
Turn off the projector!
I don't know what's going on. That does not belong in my movie!
These are the American lines, Colonel sir.
Excellent, Hermann.